|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 17, 2007 16:26:59 GMT
I started a joke thread on Lindsay's forum and it went down like a lead balloon! Not only did no one join in, but no one read them. This board seems more active, despite having fewer members, so I'll try here.
A little boy goes to his father and asks
"Daddy, how was I born?" The father
Answers: "Well son, I guess one day
You will need to find out anyway! Your
Mom and I first got together in a chat
Room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date
Via e-mail with your Mom and we met
At a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
Secluded room, where your mother
Agreed to a download from my hard
Drive. As soon as I was ready to upload,
We discovered that neither one of us had
Used a firewall, and since it was too late
To hit the delete button, nine months later
A little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll Down
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You got Male!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ashley on Sept 17, 2007 18:22:12 GMT
HAHAH that is a good one
|
|
|
|
Post by Hayley on Sept 17, 2007 19:32:20 GMT
lol, that was funny. Katherine told me some good ones the other day but i cant remember how it went!
|
|
|
|
Post by The Animal on Sept 18, 2007 3:01:21 GMT
I read them. I just didn't contribute any jokes because I didn't have any. I find that the most active threads on forums are the self-serving ones ('How are you/what you doing?', 'What are you listening to?', etc.) People like to talk about themselves.
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 18, 2007 18:55:51 GMT
Erin,
I don't mind that people didn't join in, but the last time I checked the thread it had only been read 12 times. I would have carried on if it had been read (for example) 100 times even if no one joined in or responded.
I'll carry on here because I've had a positive response. It would be nice if others joined in, but as long as people enjoy my jokes I'll keep on posting them.
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 18, 2007 19:07:32 GMT
Erin,
Celtic Cross made a liar oot of me! I've just checked and CC has posted a joke and the thread has now been read 23 times. This is one time when I'm glad to be wrong - I've just posted the same joke from this thread on there.
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 18, 2007 19:08:13 GMT
Erin, Celtic Cross made a liar oot of me! I'm not Scottish, I just can't type. |
|
|
|
Post by The Animal on Sept 19, 2007 3:05:33 GMT
Kathryn has some pretty funny ones. I don't know where she gets them all.
Mark,
Okay.
You know the Modify button can fix that...
|
|
Wolf
New Member
Forum Gamer
The Great Wolf
Posts: 1,170
|
Post by Wolf on Sept 19, 2007 3:27:07 GMT
No offense to the male members...
What do men and mascara have in common?
They both run at the first sign of emotion.
What do men and pantyhose have in common?
They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
What is the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.
What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the best way to kill a man?
Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
Big Foot's been spotted a several times.
What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Straight through the rib cage.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why can't men get mad cow disease?
Because they're all pigs.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the thingyes off the smart ones.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.
Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's alread there.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 19, 2007 18:24:48 GMT
Kathryn has some pretty funny ones. I don't know where she gets them all. Mark, Okay. You know the Modify button can fix that... Yes, but this is a joke thread and that typing mistake was funny. |
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 22, 2007 16:04:09 GMT
No offense to the male members... None taken. Now for the men's revenge! Five secrets of a perfect relationship1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home; cooks, cleans, and has a job 2. it's important to have a woman who can make you laugh 3. it's important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn't lie 4. it's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you 5. it's very very important that these four women don't know one another. |
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 22, 2007 16:07:02 GMT
A young tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour the guide askes her how much she enjoyed it. She admitted to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.
'Don't worry,' says the guide. 'I've never seen a ghost in all the time I've been here'..
"How long's that' asks the tourist.
'A little over three hundred years.'
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 22, 2007 16:11:56 GMT
I'll finish for this evening (unless I find some more good ones in my email) with a couple of Liverpool jokes. I live 10 miles from Liverpool, so I'm allowed to tell jokes about it.
A survey of 1000 Liverpool men revealed that 75% of them think the shower is the best place to have sex. The other 25% have never been in prison.
*************************
A coachload of Scousers turns up at the Pearly Gates. St Peter is a little taken aback, having never seen a Scouser before, so he goes to ask God's advice. God wants to be seen to be fair, so He tells St Peter to pick the five most virtuous Scousers and let them in. St Peter goes on his way to do God's will.
Five minutes later he's back. 'God, they've gone!'
'What, the Scousers?"
'No, the Pearly Gates!'
|
|
|
|
Post by OnLineGenie on Sept 26, 2007 17:45:59 GMT
I love standing outside a school playground watching the children running about screaming.
They don't know I'm shooting blanks.
|
|
|
|
Post by Hayley on Sept 28, 2007 10:53:43 GMT
Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters in rural France last year, archaeologists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years. The French came to the
conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.
Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000
meters. Shortly thereafter headlines in the U.K. newspapers read:
"English archaeologists have found traces of 2,000-year-old fibre-optic
cable and have concluded that ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital
communications network a thousand years earlier than the French."
One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Dublin marketplace, scientists
found absolutely nothing. They thus concluded that 5,000 years ago the Irish
were using wireless technology.
|
|
