The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most
stupid manner,
thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.
This years nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former
girlfriends windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun
discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was
trying to repair what police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that
he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on
something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive
shaft."
Nominee No. 3:[Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton , NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed,
he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For whatever reason,
residents of Southern states always seem to figure prominently among the
Darwin nominees.)
Nominee No. 4:[UPI,Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the
courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the buildings windows to visiting law students.
Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" (ed note:
?) members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5:[The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent
several years awaiting South Carolinas electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set,
he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6:[The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN.
A Jay Countyman, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face,
sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents
rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning
a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using
the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7:[Reuters,Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in
this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector
Darcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved,
and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!!!:[Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck
a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County
deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast Sunday
night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded
that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a
replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber
bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began
to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the
White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just
before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged,
and struck Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right,
exiting the pavement, and striking a tree Poole suffered only minor cuts
and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to
repair the damage to his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God
we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might
both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this
part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those
two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being
notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the
boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck??? (Though Poole and
Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required
by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact,
effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
?) members of the 200-man association.